Promises..

Day 30

Ok, let me say something, and I'll be totally honest, I've never been too good at being consistent about something. And it's the same case with my training, eating, etc. right now. And I've already broke so much promises that, even I've lost the count of them.

Since last time I've write, I've run a Mudrace (3rd place overall, not bad I suppose), RunIstanbul (22nd ​place, but my best 5k and 7k ever), and a trail race (Geyik Koşusu) (4th place overall). Those were all great experiences, fun races, and not so bad results. In each of them I did what I need to do and also gave my best. 

Then there's the team performance tests. Which looks not too good on a paper, but felt good to me while I was so out of my training schedule. I've run a 2740 by GPS, 2670 by our a little faulty track, Cooper Test, a 1:27 (which means it's the fastest I've ever been able to run) 400m, and a 5000m in 23:47, which is just a little slower then my first 5k in RunIstanbul this year.

So, by looking the results and how much fun I'm having, one may conclude that I'm crazy to be happy. If somebody would told me that just a 2-3 months ago, I would think like that too. But today, I'm in a completely different mind set. My "not bad" race and test times are not enough to make me happy, as long as I know that I'm not giving my best shot into my training. I fully lack any kind of discipline. I'm skipping trainings, to sleep; eating pretty bad for a couple of weeks, have my punishment as kgs; whining about everything, honestly everything..

Yesterday, I've decided to given an end to this, and talk to our team trainer about it. I explained every single stuff in my mind to him in a even more honest manner then this writing. He had his suggestions, which I really appreciate, but I really don't have any faith in myself for keeping them. I will try my best, but the problem is, the best that I have right now, is not useful. 

I'm hoping that things will change for me soon, I know that they won't get easier and I'm also not hoping for them to get easier, my hope is that may be they might get better. Better is better then easier, always. And I need that better soon enough that, it won't be too late to be prepared for the 1. stage of Turkey Championships 6 weeks from now.